QUICK UPDATE!

I’m very sick. I don’t know if it’s the flu, or bronchitis, or something else entirely, but I do know that I feel like (excuse my language) absolute hell.

I’ve been reading, and writing, and reading some more. I have a goodreads account that you can befriend me on if you love books as much as I do!!

I’m doing okay in regards to my anxiety. I haven’t left the house in a few weeks. I’ll be seeing my therapist in a few days and that should help. Here’s some advice – don’t do what I do. Don’t stay in the house when you feel like crap. Don’t push your family and friends away. Don’t reschedule therapy sessions three weeks in a row. Suck it up, so what you need to do, and you’ll feel much better. Let’s hope I’ll listen to my own advice some day soon!

I can’t wait for Autumn. I went on vacation for the first time in three years, and I got my first tattoo. That’s pretty much the only good that’s happened in my life this summer. Are any of you excited for Fall? Haunted hayrides, scary movies, cool weather, Halloween! So many good things. So much to look forward to.

I’ll be focusing more on this blog from now moving forward. & I promise, my next most will be much more exciting than this one.

I hope you all are doing well! Sending you all the love, happiness, and health this nasty world has to offer!

xoxo, Megan

ANXIETY | AN UPDATE.

I don’t know where to begin.

I’ve been doing well, for the most part. I’ve been trying to put my health first – and everything else has been on the back burner. Including this blog. However, I’ve struggled a lot in the past few months. Which is why I’m sitting in my house, alone, waiting for my family to return from our churches Easter service.

As of approximately eight months ago, every time I walk for longer than ten minutes, my lower back hurts so badly that it’s truly unbearable. In January, my doctor put me on ibuprofen and a muscle relaxer. Neither helped. So, recently, I went back and he (finally) did x-rays and determined that I have a bulging disc, and scoliosis. I’m set to begin physical therapy very soon – and if that doesn’t work, we’re going to look into other treatment options which, unfortunately, include spinal surgery. I’ve been stressed out about this for eight months – and the idea of having back surgery has simply made me stress even more.

My psychiatrist put me on a new medication for my bipolar disorder a few months ago; and I had a very nasty reaction. My heart would pound, I lost my breath very easily, and I would feel jittery and weak. My arm would go numb, and I thought I was having a heart attack at one point. So, I went to the emergency room only to be told that it was my new medication and, thank the Lord, not a heart attack.

And lastly, I went to Tennessee with my two older sister’s and my best friend three weeks ago for a youth conference. However, my anxiety went through the roof upon realizing that I would have to be in one large room with thousands of people. So, I spent most of the trip in our hotel room and only went to one of the many meetings.

Moral of this story – we all have struggles. We all have bad moments, bad days, bad weeks, bad months, and bad years. That doesn’t matter. The way we come out of those bad times is what matters. We can come out of them feeling negative, and angry, and upset. Or, we can be positive and we can learn from our troubles.

I hope you all are doing well. If you’re not, keep the faith and know that there is always a light at the end of every tunnel.

xoxo, Megan

 

2017 GOALS! (What I Want To Do Before I’m 20)

Coming back to my blog after two months away, I had no idea what to write about. SO MUCH had happened in my life since last October. I’ve come a long way with my mental health, and my 19th birthday happened, and Christmas came and went. 2016, otherwise known as the year from hell, was finally over. Yet, I wasn’t inspired to make a post about any of those things.

So, I sat down and decided to sit down and make a list of my goals for this brand new year.

  1. LOSE WEIGHT.
  2. DO AT LEAST ONE 7-DAY JUICE CLEANSE. (I tried last year and failed.)
  3. GET A PROPER JOB.
  4. START COLLEGE.
  5. BECOME A BETTER WRITER/BLOGGER.
  6. READ 50 BOOKS. (you can follow my goodreads account here if you’re interested: https://www.goodreads.com/megnicole97)
  7. START SAVING MONEY SO I CAN AFFORD MY OWN APARTMENT BEFORE I’M 20.
  8. SPEND MORE TIME WITH MY FAMILY AND FRIENDS.
  9. GET A TATTOO INSPIRED BY MY GRANDMOTHER.

In 2016, I learned that I have to have faith. In God, and in myself. I have to have faith that I will be able to meet all of these goals, and I have to have faith that, if I don’t, I won’t beat myself up. If I meet all nine of my goals, I’ll be happy. If I only meet one of my goals, I’ll be happy and I’ll try harder in 2018. And I hope those of you who have plans for this new year feel the same way.

xoxo, Megan

3 WAYS TO WORKOUT AT HOME.

I’m not thin. I’m not fit. I’m not the healthiest person on the planet. But, I want to change all of that. So, I’ve been working on my diet and I’ve been trying to exercise regularly – every day, if I can, is my current plan. I thought I would share some of my tips and tricks for working out at home with you guys because I rarely work out outside of my house. I hope these are helpful!

  1. PURCHASE EXERCISE EQUIPMENT. Personally, I have a treadmill, and I love it. I also have some small weights. At the moment, I’m uncomfortable going outside and exercising in front of people at the park or at a gym, because I have severe social anxiety. So, being able to walk (or run) and do basic exercises with the weights in my own home is extremely helpful. Most equipment is not cheap, at all, but at the end of the day, they’re worth every nickle and dime.
  2. DANCE. This is probably my favorite tip that I have for you guys. Turn on some music, and go ham. You don’t have to have any special routine, or choreography. It’s all about moving, and sweating away those calories. You can also watch dance routine tutorials on YouTube, or go out and pick up a dance fitness DVD. This is a fun workout for someone who doesn’t like to workout.
  3. CREATE A ROUTINE. In the past, before I had my treadmill, I created a routine and did the same exercises every day. I would do jumping jacks, and lunges, and sit-ups, and push-ups. Instead of using weights, I would hold heavy cans from my pantry. I didn’t need any fancy equipment, and you don’t either.

Remember to take it easy. You’re not going to be able to run for an hour on the treadmill the very first time you use it. You have to take it slow. I could only walk, medium-speed, for ten minutes on my first day. Drink a lot of water, rest when you need to, and just keep trying. Don’t give up if you don’t see results after a month. Losing weight and becoming healthy is a process – it’s not going to happen overnight. I hope I was helpful in some way. Good luck!

xoxo, Megan

25 QUESTIONS ABOUT ME!

Today, I haven’t felt very creative but I have felt very lazy. So, I stole a tag from YouTube and decided to answer the questions here. Thank you, Connor Franta, for putting the questions in your description box so I didn’t have to look at 35 other videos. I adore you.

  1. DO YOU HAVE ANY PETS? I do, I do, I do. I have a calico cat, and her name is Buttercup. She’s pure evil, if you try to pet her or cuddle her she’s going to claw your eyes out, but I love her so very much anyway.
  2. NAME 3 THINGS THAT ARE PHYSICALLY CLOSE TO YOU. I’m so boring. My laptop, my iPhone, and my Taco Bell cup.
  3. WHAT’S THE WEATHER LIKE RIGHT NOW? I don’t know, because I haven’t left my house today. I guess it’s going to rain soon, so I guess it isn’t great and I was smart to stay inside.
  4. DO YOU DRIVE? IF SO, HAVE YOU CRASHED? No, and no. I have a very intense fear of driving because I just know I’m gonna kill myself or someone else. I just can’t do it. But I’m going to suck it up and learn next year!
  5. WHAT TIME DID YOU WAKE UP THIS MORNING? 7:30. That’s not early for some people, but that’s very early for me.
  6. WHEN WAS THE LAST TIME YOU SHOWERED? Tomorrow.
  7. WHAT WAS THE LAST MOVIE YOU SAW? A movie called Hush. It was really freaking good and I think you all should watch it. I loved it.
  8. WHAT DOES YOUR LAST TEXT MESSAGE SAY? It says, “Be looking at the menu & see what u could eat! U could get the triple dipper thing the egg rolls don’t have meat, there’s cheddar bites onion rings etc.” It’s from my sister and she was trying to help me figure out a vegetarian option from Chili’s. How sweet of her.
  9. WHAT’S YOUR RINGTONE? Again, I’m boring. It’s just the default iPhone ringtone.
  10. HAVE YOU EVER BEEN TO A DIFFERENT COUNTRY? Never, but I would love to go to Europe! Or Australia! Or Ireland! Or Japan! Or anywhere in the world other than Ohio because I hate Ohio.
  11. DO YOU LIKE SUSHI? I love Sushi. If I had to choose one food to eat for the rest of my days, it would probably be veggie Sushi.
  12. WHERE DO YOU BUY YOUR GROCERIES? I like shopping at Kroger and Whole Foods, because I’m a basic white bitch.
  13. HAVE YOU EVER TAKEN MEDICATION TO HELP YOU FALL ASLEEP FASTER? Yes, I have. Insomnia is no friend of mine.
  14. HOW MANY SIBLINGS DO YOU HAVE? Two older sisters. My mom had two miscarriages, so in my heart and soul I truly believe I have two other siblings waiting for me in Heaven. But, on Earth, I have two.
  15. DO YOU HAVE A DESKTOP COMPUTER OR A LAPTOP? Both, but I only ever use my laptop.
  16. HOW OLD WILL YOU BE TURNING ON YOUR NEXT BIRTHDAY? In less than two months, I’ll be turning NINETEEN! Yay!!
  17. DO YOU WEAR CONTACTS OR GLASSES? I have a phobia of putting things in my eyes, so I wear glasses and I will until the day I die.
  18. DO YOU COLOR YOUR HAIR? I do, I do. I’ve been brown, red, blonde, and I’m currently brown for the third time.
  19. TELL ME SOMETHING YOU PLAN TO DO TODAY. Eat dinner.
  20. WHEN WAS THE LAST TIME YOU CRIED? Everything makes me cry. I cry almost every day. So, today.
  21. WHAT IS YOUR PERFECT PIZZA TOPPING? I love extra cheese, pineapple and onion. Sounds weird, but it’s delicious.
  22. WHICH DO YOU PREFER, HAMBURGERS OR CHEESEBURGERS? Neither, because I don’t eat meat. But, I used to love a good cheeseburger.
  23. HAVE YOU EVER HAD AN ALL-NIGHTER? Many, many times. I hate them, but I like to torture myself apparently.
  24. WHAT IS YOUR EYE COLOR? Hazel-ish, green-ish. I don’t know, honestly.
  25. CAN YOU TASTE THE DIFFERENCE BETWEEN PEPSI AND COKE? I can. But, I enjoy both.

I hope you enjoyed this super short, boring, lazy tag and if you want to answer the questions – feel free to do so! I’d love to read some of your answers. I hope you all have a blessed Tuesday.

xoxo, Megan

HOW-TO: LIVE WITH DEPRESSION & ANXIETY.

Six years ago, back in 2010, when I was twelve, both of my grandpa’s passed away. My mom’s dad in January, and my dad’s father in July. Six years ago, when I was twelve, depression and anxiety introduced themselves to me for the first time.

I’ve been seeing my psychologist for two years, and I saw two other counselors before I found her. I’ve been going to therapy for, more or less, five years. And in those five years, I’ve learned a lot. I truly hope that some of these tips and tricks help you as much as they’ve helped me!

  1. SAY A PRAYER. This is quite possibly the most important lesson I’ve learned. The Lord is the very best medication. Praying, reading the Bible, going to church, listening to uplifting music, really does help more than anything else. Trust in Him, and let Him help you. It doesn’t hurt to try, right?
  2. BREATHE. In through your nose, and out through your mouth. I know you’ve heard this one. It’s simple, but it does the trick.
  3. TALK TO SOMEONE. Keeping everything inside really weighs you down. Getting that elephant off your chest is beyond helpful. Speak to your mother, or your best friend, or your teacher, or a therapist, or me. I’ll listen. Or, if you don’t have anyone you could talk to, write about it in a journal. Writing down your thoughts and concerns can be just as helpful as saying them aloud.
  4. ESSENTIAL OIL. Lavender oil, specifically. I’ll put a bit on my wrist, or on the collar of my shirt, and when I notice that I’m getting nervous, I’ll take a whiff or two and somehow it calms me down. It’s like magic. I’ll never understand it, but it works, and I suggest you give it a chance. You may be surprised.
  5. EXERCISE & EAT HEALTHY. I’m not a doctor, so I can’t explain why it works, I just know that it does. Exercising and eating healthy meals doesn’t only take care of your body, but it also takes care of the mind.
  6. LEARN WHAT TRIGGERS YOUR ANXIETY. Panic attacks, for me, are more severe when I don’t understand where my anxiety is coming from. For example, I had a panic attack a few years ago at our church hayride because I was surrounded by way too many people. At the time, I didn’t understand why I felt so bad. Looking back, I know why I had the panic attack and I know if I go to our hayride next week, I’ll realize that I shouldn’t stay with the large group – I should stay off to the side with my friends and sisters.
  7. GO TO YOUR HAPPY PLACE. When you’re feeling overwhelmed, sit down and close your eyes. Imagine that you’re in Hawaii, or your bedroom, or on the moon. Any place that would make you feel safe and comfortable. Don’t open your eyes until you’re calm.
  8. REPEAT A MANTRA. When I’m afraid, or upset, I like to repeat 2 Timothy 1:7; “For God hath not given us the spirit of fear, but of power and of love and of a sound mind.” It brings me such peace.

Again, I’m not a doctor nor do I know for a fact that these things will help every single person who is dealing with anxiety and depression. However, I know without a doubt that they help me, and I pray that they’ll help you as well.

xoxo, Megan

 

ALLOW ME TO INTRODUCE MYSELF!

Hey hi hello. My name is Megan. I’m eighteen; on the 8th of December, I’ll be nineteen. I live in Ohio, and I have a love/hate relationship with this place. I’ll probably talk about why I love to hate Ohio in a future post. I love all animals, and photography, and my guitar, and writing, and fashion, and makeup, and FOOD! Mental health is very special to me because for many years I’ve been living with depression, severe anxiety, bipolar disorder, and ADHD. My goal in life is to help other young girls the way my psychologist and psychiatrist have helped me.

My favorite makeup brand is Colourpop. I’m madly in love with their matte Lippie Stix and their Lippie Pencils. THEY’RE SO GOOD!! And I don’t think I could recommend them more.

When I graduated in January, my mom and dad got me the most beautiful camera I have ever seen in my life. It’s the Nikon D3300. I’ve never owned an expensive camera before, but if you ask me, this is the best. It takes the most beautiful photos and videos. I love it, and I love them so much for buying it for me. We’re not the most wealthy family on the planet, and it wasn’t a cheap-ass camera. So, thank you mommy and daddy!

My best friend, my second mom, my grandma, passed away on the 8th of August. Now, she’s my angel. And she’s one of the reasons I wanted to start this blog. For six years, I spent every day of my life taking care of her. She lived with me, my mom, and my sisters. They all worked, and I took care of grandma. For. Six. Years. And now, I feel pretty damn useless, I’m not gonna lie. I’m in the process of finally looking for a proper job, and I’m not starting college some time next year, so I thought to myself, hmm.. maybe starting a blog will give me something to do!! So, mam, this is for you. I love you so much, I miss you, and I promise I’ll join you and papa in Heaven one day.

I’m plus size. I don’t wear a size two. Not even close. But I still like cute clothes. Most of the clothing stores near me either don’t sell plus size clothing, or if they do, it looks like stuff my mom and her 40+ year old friends would wear. So, when I find something adorable that’s in my size, I get WAY too excited and I’m sure you’re going to witness that in the future. Good luck.

I love God.. I love food.. I love makeup.. I love fashion.. I love animals.. I love to travel, and take photos, and I’m simply trying to live the best life that I possibly can. That’s what this blog is going to be about. I hope you enjoy.

xoxo, Megan